Quinto encontro (06/12)

P. 48

Chest Cee! 'Sdense! Corpo di barragio! you spoof of visibility	1
in a freakfog, of mixed sex cases among goats, hill cat and plain	2
mousey, Bigamy Bob and his old Shanvocht! The Blackfriars	3
treacle plaster outrage be liddled! Therewith was released in that	4
kingsrick of Humidia a poisoning volume of cloud barrage indeed.	5
Yet all they who heard or redelivered are now with that family	6
of bards and Vergobretas himself and the crowd of Caraculacticors	7
as much no more as be they not yet now or had they then not-	8
ever been. Canbe in some future we shall presently here amid	9
those zouave players of Inkermann the mime mumming the mick	10
and his nick miming their maggies, Hilton St Just (Mr Frank	11
Smith), Ivanne Ste Austelle (Mr J. F. Jones), Coleman of Lucan	12
taking four parts, a choir of the O'Daley O'Doyles doublesixing	13
the chorus in Fenn Mac Call and the Serven Feeries of Loch Neach,	14
Galloper Troppler and Hurleyquinn the zitherer of the past with his	15
merrymen all, zimzim, zimzim. Of the persins sin this Eyrawyg-	16
gla saga (which, thorough readable to int from and, is from tubb	17
to buttom all falsetissues, antilibellous and nonactionable and this	18
applies to its whole wholume) of poor Osti-Fosti, described as	19
quite a musical genius in a small way and the owner of an	20
exceedingly niced ear, with tenorist voice to match, not alone,	21
but a very major poet of the poorly meritary order (he began	22
Tuonisonian but worked his passage up as far as the we-all-	23
hang-together Animandovites) no one end is known. If they	24

P. 49

whistled him before he had curtains up they are whistling him	1
still after his curtain's doom's doom. Ei fù His husband, poor old	2

P. 73

And thus, with this rochelly exetur of Bully Acre, came to	23
close that last stage in the siegings round our archicitadel which	24
we would like to recall, if old Nestor Alexis would wink the	25
worth for us, as Bar-le-Duc and Dog-an-Doras and Bangen-op-	26
Zoom.	27
Yed he med leave to many a door beside of Oxmanswold for	28
so witness his chambered cairns a cloudletlitter silent that are at	29
browse up hill and down coombe and on eolithostroton, at	30
Howth or at Coolock or even at Enniskerry, a theory none too	31
rectiline of the evoluation of human society and a testament of	32
the rocks from all the dead unto some the living. Olivers lambs	33
we do call them, skatterlings of a stone, and they shall be ga-	34
thered unto him, their herd and paladin, as nubilettes to cumule,	35
in that day hwen, same the lightning lancer of Azava Arthur-	36

P. 74

honoured (some Finn, some Finn avant!), he skall wake from	1
earthsleep, haught crested elmer, in his valle of briers of Green-	2
man's Rise O, (lost leaders live! the heroes return!) and o'er dun	3
and dale the Wulverulverlord (protect us!) his mighty horn skall	4
roll, orland, roll.	5
For in those deyes his Deyus shall ask of Allprohome	6
and call to himm: Allprohome! And he make answer: Add some.	7
Nor wink nor wunk. Animadiabolum, mene credidisti mortuum?	8
Silence was in thy faustive halls, O Truiga, when thy green	9
woods went dry but there will be sounds of manymirth on the	10
night's ear ringing when our pantriarch of Comestowntonobble	11
gets the pullover on his boots.	12
Liverpoor? Sot a bit of it! His braynes coolt parritch, his pelt	13
nassy, his heart's adrone, his bluidstreams acrawl, his puff but a	14
piff, his extremeties extremely so: Fengless, Pawmbroke, Chil-	15
blaimend and Baldowl. Humph is in his doge. Words weigh no	16
no more to him than raindrips to Rethfernhim. Which we all	17
like. Rain. When we sleep. Drops. But wait until our sleeping.	18
Drain. Sdops.	19
	20

P. 102

Wery weeny wight, plead for Morandmor! Notre Dame de la	18
Ville, mercy of thy balmheartzyheat! Ogrowdnyk's beyond her-	19
bata tay, wort of the drogist. Bulk him no bulkis. And let him	20
rest, thou wayfarre, and take no gravespoil from him! Neither	21
mar his mound! The bane of Tut is on it. Ware! But there's a	22
little lady waiting and her name is A.L.P. And you'll agree. She	23
must be she. For her holden heirheaps hanging down her back.	24
He spenth his strenth amok haremscarems. Poppy Narancy, Gial-	25
lia, Chlora, Marinka, Anileen, Parme. And ilk a those dames had	26
her rainbow huemoures yet for whilko her whims but he coined a	27
cure. Tifftiff today, kissykissy tonay and agelong pine tomauran-	28
na. Then who but Crippled-with-Children would speak up for	29
Dropping-with-Sweat?	30
	31
Sold him her lease of ninenineninetee,	32
Tresses undresses so dyedyedaintee,	33
Goo, the groot gudgeon, gulped it all.	34
Hoo was the C. O. D.?	35
Bum!	36

P. 103

At Island Bridge she met her tide.	1
Attabom, attabom, attabombomboom!	2
The Fin had a flux and his Ebba a ride.	3
Attabom, attabom, attabombomboom!	4
We're all up to the years in hues and cribies.	5
That's what she's done for wee!	6
Woe!	7
	8
Nomad may roam with Nabuch but let naaman laugh at Jor-	9
dan! For we, we have taken our sheet upon her stones where we	10
have hanged our hearts in her trees; and we list, as she bibs us,	11
by the waters of babalong.	12

P. 104

In the name of Annah the Allmaziful, the Everliving, the	1
Bringer of Plurabilities, haloed be her eve, her singtime sung, her	2
rill be run, unhemmed as it is uneven!	3
Her untitled mamafesta memorialising the Mosthighest has	4
gone by many names at disjointed times. Thus we hear of, The	5

P. 107

The proteiform graph itself is a polyhedron of scripture.	8
There was a time when naif alphabetters would have written it	9
down the tracing of a purely deliquescent recidivist, possibly	10
ambidextrous, snubnosed probably and presenting a strangely	11
profound rainbowl in his (or her) occiput. To the hardily curio-	12
sing entomophilust then it has shown a very sexmosaic of nym-	13
phosis in which the eternal chimerahunter Oriolopos, now frond	14
of sugars, then lief of saults, the sensory crowd in his belly	15
coupled with an eye for the goods trooth bewilderblissed by	16
their night effluvia with guns like drums and fondlers like forceps	17
persequestellates his vanessas from flore to flore. Somehows this	18
sounds like the purest kidooleyoon wherein our madernacerution	19
of lour lore is rich. All's so herou from us him in a kitchernott	20
darkness, by hasard and worn rolls arered, we must grope on till	21
Zerogh hour like pou owl giaours as we are would we salve aught	22
of moments for our aysore today. Amousin though not but. Closer	23
inspection of the bordereau would reveal a multiplicity of person-	24
alities inflicted on the documents or document and some prevision	25
of virtual crime or crimes might be made by anyone unwary	26
enough before any suitable occasion for it or them had so far	27
managed to happen along. In fact, under the closed eyes of the in-	28
spectors the traits featuring the chiaroscuro coalesce, their con-	29
trarieties eliminated, in one stable somebody similarly as by the	30
providential warring of heartshaker with housebreaker and of	31
dramdrinker against freethinker our social something bowls along	32
bumpily, experiencing a jolting series of prearranged disappoint-	33
ments, down the long lane of (it's as semper as oxhousehumper!	34
generations, more generations and still more generations.	35
Say, baroun lousadoor, who in hallhagal wrote the durn thing	36

P. 108

anyhow? Erect, beseated, mountback, against a partywall, below	1
freezigrade, by the use of quill or style, with turbid or pellucid	2
mind, accompanied or the reverse by mastication, interrupted	3
by visit of seer to scribe or of scribe to site, atwixt two showers	4
or atosst of a trike, rained upon or blown around, by a right-	5
down regular racer from the soil or by a too pained whittlewit	6
laden with the loot of learning?	7
Now, patience; and remember patience is the great thing, and	8
above all things else we must avoid anything like being or be-	9
coming out of patience. A good plan used by worried business	10
folk who may not have had many momentums to master Kung's	11
doctrine of the meang or the propriety codestruces of Carpri-	12
mustimus is just to think of all the sinking fund of patience pos-	13
sessed in their conjoint names by both brothers Bruce with whom	14
are incorporated their Scotch spider and Elberfeld's Calculating	15
Horses. If after years upon years of delving in ditches dark one	16
tubthumper more than others, Kinihoun or Kahanan, giardarner	17
or mear measenmanonger, has got up for the darnall same pur-	18
pose of reassuring us with all the barbar of the Carrageehouse	19
that our great ascendant was properly speaking three syllables	20
less than his own surname (yes, yes, less!), that the ear of Fionn	21
Earwicker aforetime was the trademark of a broadcaster with	22
wicker local jargon for an ace's patent (Hear! Calls! Everywhair!)	23
then as to this radiooscillating epiepistle to which, cotton, silk or	24
samite, kohol, gall or brickdust, we must ceaselessly return, where-	25
abouts exactly at present in Siam, Hell or Tophet under that	26
glorisol which plays touraloup with us in this Aludin's Cove of	27
our cagacity is that bright soandsuch to slip us the dinkum oil?	28
Naysayers we know. To conclude purely negatively from the	29
positive absence of political odia and monetary requests that its	30
page cannot ever have been a penproduct of a man or woman of	31
that period or those parts is only one more unlookedfor conclu-	32
sion leaped at, being tantamount to inferring from the nonpre-	33
sence of inverted commas (sometimes called quotation marks)	34
on any page that its author was always constitutionally incapable	35
of misappropriating the spoken words of others.	36

P. 110

Here let a few artifacts fend in their own favour. The river felt	1
she wanted salt. That was just where Brien came in. The country	2
asked for bearspaw for dindin! And boundin aboundin it got it	3
surly. We who live under heaven, we of the clovery kingdom,	4
we middlesins people have often watched the sky overreaching	5
the land. We suddenly have. Our isle is Sainge. The place. That	6
stern chuckler Mayhappy Mayhapnot, once said to repeation	7
in that lutran conservatory way of his that Isitachapel-Asitalukin	8
was the one place, ult aut nult, in this madh vaal of tares (whose	9
verdhure's yellowed therever Phaiton parks his car while its	10
tamelised tay is the drame of Drainophilias) where the possible	11
was the improbable and the improbable the inevitable. If the pro-	12
verbial bishop of our holy and undivided with this me ken or no	13
me ken Zot is the Quiztune havvermashed had his twoe nails	14
on the head we are in for a sequentiality of improbable possibles	15
though possibly nobody after having grubbed up a lock of cwold	16
cworn aboove his subject probably in Harrystotalies or the vivle	17
will go out of his way to applaud him on the onboiassed back of	18
his remark for utterly impossible as are all these events they are	19
probably as like those which may have taken place as any others	20
which never took person at all are ever likely to be. Ahahn!	21
About that original hen. Midwinter (fruur or kuur?) was in the	22
offing and Premver a promise of a pril when, as kischabrigies sang	23
life's old sahatsong, an iceclad shiverer, merest of bantlings ob-	24
served a cold fowl behaviourising strangely on that fatal midden	25
or chip factory or comicalbottomed copsjute (dump for short)	26
afterwards changed into the orangery when in the course of	27
deeper demolition unexpectedly one bushman's holiday its limon	28
threw up a few spontaneous fragments of orangepeel, the last	29
remains of an outdoor meal by some unknown sunseeker or place-	30
hider illico way back in his mistridden past. What child of a strand-	31
looper but keepy little Kevin in the despondful surrounding of	32
such sneezing cold would ever have trouved up on a strate that	33
was called strete a motive for future saintity by euchring the	34
finding of the Ardagh chalice by another heily innocent and	35
beachwalker whilst trying with pious clamour to wheedle Tip-	36

P. 111

peraw raw raw reeraw puteters out of Now Sealand in spignt	1
of the patchpurple of the massacre, a dual a duel to die to	2
day, goddam and biggod, sticks and stanks, of most of the	3
Jacobiters.	4
The bird in the case was Belinda of the Dorans, a more than	5
quinquegintarian (Terziis prize with Serni medal, Cheepalizzy's	6
Hane Exposition) and what she was scratching at the hour of	7
klokking twelve looked for all this zogzag world like a goodish-	8
sized sheet of letterpaper originating by transhipt from Boston	9
(Mass.) of the last of the first to Dear whom it proceded to	10
mention Maggy well & allathome's health well only the hate	11
turned the mild on the van Houtens and the general's elections	12
with a lovely face of some born gentleman with a beautiful present	13
of wedding cakes for dear thankyou Chriesty and with grand	14
funferall of poor Father Michael don't forget unto life's & Muggy	15
well how are you Maggy & hopes soon to hear well & must now	16
close it with fondest to the twoinns with four crosskisses for holy	17
paul holey comer holipoli whollyisland pee ess from (locust may	18
eat all but this sign shall they never) affectionate largelooking	19
tache of tch. The stain, and that a teastain (the overcautelousness	20
of the masterbilker here, as usual, signing the page away), marked	21
it off on the spout of the moment as a genuine relique of ancient	22
Irish pleasant pottery of that lydialike languishing class known as	23
a hurry-me-o'er-the-hazy.	24

P. 125

pheph go gossip, I declare to man! Noe! To all's much relief	18
one's half hypothesis of that jabberjaw ape amok the showering	19
jestnuts of Bruisanose was hotly dropped and his room taken up	20
by that odious and still today insufficiently malestimated note-	21
snatcher (kak, pfooi, bosh and fiety, much earny, Gus, poteen?	22
Sez you!) Shem the Penman.	23
	24

Quarto encontro 29/11

P. 30

Now (to forebare for ever solittle of Iris Trees and Lili O'Ran-	1
gans), concerning the genesis of Harold or Humphrey Chimp-	2
den's occupational agnomen (we are back in the presurnames	3
prodromarith period, of course just when enos chalked halltraps)	4
and discarding once for all those theories from older sources which	5
would link him back with such pivotal ancestors as the Glues, the	6
Gravys, the Northeasts, the Ankers and the Earwickers of Sidles-	7
ham in the Hundred of Manhood or proclaim him offsprout of	8
vikings who had founded wapentake and seddled hem in Herrick	9
or Eric, the best authenticated version, the Dumlat, read the	10
Reading of Hofed-ben-Edar, has it that it was this way. We are	11
told how in the beginning it came to pass that like cabbaging	12
Cincinnatus the grand old gardener was saving daylight under his	13
redwoodtree one sultry sabbath afternoon, Hag Chivychas Eve,	14
in prefall paradise peace by following his plough for rootles in the	15
rere garden of mobhouse, ye olde marine hotel, when royalty was	16
announced by runner to have been pleased to have halted itself on	17
the highroad along which a leisureloving dogfox had cast fol-	18
lowed, also at walking pace, by a lady pack of cocker spaniels. For-	19
getful of all save his vassal's plain fealty to the ethnarch Humphrey	20
or Harold stayed not to yoke or saddle but stumbled out hotface	21
as he was (his sweatful bandanna loose from his pocketcoat) hast-	22
ing to the forecourts of his public in topee, surcingle, solascarf and	23
plaid, plus fours, puttees and bulldog boots ruddled cinnabar with	24

P. 31

flagrant marl, jingling his turnpike keys and bearing aloft amid	1
the fixed pikes of the hunting party a high perch atop of which a	2
flowerpot was fixed earthside hoist with care. On his majesty, who	3
was, or often feigned to be, noticeably longsighted from green	4
youth and had been meaning to inquire what, in effect, had caused	5
yon causeway to be thus potholed, asking substitutionally to be	6
put wise as to whether paternoster and silver doctors were not	7
now more fancied bait for lobstertrapping honest blunt Harom-	8
phreyld answered in no uncertain tones very similarly with a fear-	9
less forehead: Naw, yer maggers, aw war jist a cotchin on thon	10
bluggy earwuggers. Our sailor king, who was draining a gugglet	11
of obvious adamale, gift both and gorban, upon this, ceasing to	12
swallow, smiled most heartily beneath his walrus moustaches and	13
indulging that none too genial humour which William the Conk	14
on the spindle side had inherited with the hereditary whitelock	15
and some shortfingeredness from his greataunt Sophy, turned to-	16
wards two of his retinue of gallowglasses, Michael, etheling lord	17
of Leix and Offaly and the jubilee mayor of Drogheda, Elcock,	18
(the two scatterguns being Michael M. Manning, protosyndic of	19
Waterford and an Italian excellency named Giubilei according to	20
a later version cited by the learned scholarch Canavan of Can-	21
makenoise), in either case a triptychal religious family symbolising	22
puritas of doctrina, business per usuals and the purchypatch of	23
hamlock where the paddish preties grow and remarked dilsydul-	24
sily: Holybones of Saint Hubert how our red brother of Pour-	25
ingrainia would audibly fume did he know that we have for sur-	26
trusty bailiwick a turnpiker who is by turns a pikebailer no sel-	27
domer than an earwigger For he kinned Jom Pill with his court	28
so gray and his haunts in his house in the mourning. (One still	29
hears that pebble crusted laughta, japijap cheerycherrily, among	30
the roadside tree the lady Holmpatrick planted and still one feels	31
the amossive silence of the cladstone allegibelling: Ive mies outs	32
ide Bourn.) Comes the question are these the facts of his nom-	33
inigentilisation as recorded and accolated in both or either of the	34
collateral andrewpaulmurphyc narratives. Are those their fata	35
which we read in sibylline between the fas and its nefas? No dung	36

P. 32

on the road? And shall Nohomiah be our place like? Yea, Mulachy	1
our kingable khan? We shall perhaps not so soon see. Pinck	2
poncks that bail for seeks alicence where cumsceptres with scen-	3
taurs stay. Bear in mind, son of Hokmah, if so be you have me-	4
theg in your midness, this man is mountain and unto changeth	5
doth one ascend. Heave we aside the fallacy, as punical as finikin,	6
that it was not the king kingself but his inseparable sisters, un-	7
controllable nighttalkers, Skertsiraizde with Donyahzade, who	8
afterwards, when the robberers shot up the socialights, came down	9
into the world as amusers and were staged by Madame Sudlow	10
as Rosa and Lily Miskinguette in the pantalime that two pitts	11
paythronosed, Miliodorus and Galathee. The great fact emerges	12
that after that historic date all holographs so far exhumed ini-	13
tialled by Haromphrey bear the sigla H.C.E. and while he was	14
only and long and always good Dook Umphrey for the hunger-	15
lean spalpeens of Lucalizod and Chimbers to his cronies it was	16
equally certainly a pleasant turn of the populace which gave him	17
as sense of those normative letters the nickname Here Comes	18
Everybody. An imposing everybody he always indeed looked,	19
constantly the same as and equal to himself and magnificently well	20
worthy of any and all such universalisation, every time he con-	21
tinually surveyed, amid vociferatings from in front of Accept these	22
few nutties! and Take off that white hat!, relieved with Stop his Grog	23
and Put It in the Log and Loots in his (bassvoco) Boots, from good	24
start to happy finish the truly catholic assemblage gathered together	25
in that king's treat house of satin alustrelike above floats and foot-	26
lights from their assbawlveldts and oxgangs unanimously to clap-	27
plaud (the inspiration of his lifetime and the hits of their careers)	28
Mr Wallenstein Washington Semperkelly's immergreen tourers	29
in a command performance by special request with the courteous	30
permission for pious purposes the homedromed and enliventh	31
performance of the problem passion play of the millentury, running	32
strong since creation, A Royal Divorce, then near the approach	33
towards the summit of its climax, with ambitious interval band	34
selections from The Bo' Girl and The Lily on all horserie show	35
command nights from his viceregal booth (his bossaloner is ceil-	36

P. 33

inged there a cuckoospit less eminent than the redritualhoods of	1
Maccabe and Cullen) where, a veritable Napoleon the Nth, our	2
worldstage's practical jokepiece and retired cecelticocommediant	3
in his own wise, this folksforefather all of the time sat, having the	4
entirety of his house about him, with the invariable broadstretched	5
kerchief cooling his whole neck, nape and shoulderblades and in	6
a wardrobe panelled tuxedo completely thrown back from a shirt	7
well entitled a swallowall, on every point far outstarching the	8
laundered clawhammers and marbletopped highboys of the pit	9
stalls and early amphitheatre. The piece was this: look at the lamps.	10
The cast was thus: see under the clock. Ladies circle: cloaks may	11
be left. Pit, prommer and parterre, standing room only. Habituels	12
conspicuously emergent.	13
A baser meaning has been read into these characters the literal	14
sense of which decency can safely scarcely hint. It has been blur-	15
tingly bruited by certain wisecrackers (the stinks of Mohorat are	16
in the nightplots of the morning), that he suffered from a vile	17
disease. Athma, unmanner them! To such a suggestion the one	18
selfrespecting answer is to affirm that there are certain statements	19
which ought not to be, and one should like to hope to be able to	20
add, ought not to be allowed to be made. Nor have his detractors,	21
who, an imperfectly warmblooded race, apparently conceive him	22
as a great white caterpillar capable of any and every enormity in	23
the calendar recorded to the discredit of the Juke and Kellikek	24
families, mended their case by insinuating that, alternately, he lay	25
at one time under the ludicrous imputation of annoying Welsh	26
fusiliers in the people's park. Hay, hay, hay! Hoq, hoq, hoq!	27
Faun and Flora on the lea love that little old joq. To anyone who	28
knew and loved the christlikeness of the big cleanminded giant	29
H. C. Earwicker throughout his excellency long vicefreegal exis-	30
tence the mere suggestion of him as a lustsleuth nosing for trou-	31
ble in a boobytrap rings particularly preposterous. Truth, beard	32
on prophet, compels one to add that there is said to have been	33
quondam (pfuit! pfuit!) some case of the kind implicating, it is	34
interdum believed, a quidam (if he did not exist it would be ne-	35
cessary quoniam to invent him) abhout that time stambuling ha-	36

P. 34

round Dumbaling in leaky sneakers with his tarrk record who	1
has remained topantically anonymos but (let us hue him Abdul-	2
lah Gamellaxarksky) was, it is stated, posted at Mallon's at the	3
instance of watch warriors of the vigilance committee and years	4
afterwards, cries one even greater, Ibid, a commender of the	5
frightful, seemingly, unto such as were sulhan sated, tropped head	6
(pfiat! pfiat!) waiting his first of the month froods turn for	7
thatt chopp pah kabbakks alicubi on the old house for the charge-	8
hard, Roche Haddocks off Hawkins Street. Lowe, you blondy	9
liar, Gob scene you in the narked place and she what's edith ar	10
home defileth these boyles! There's a cabful of bash indeed in	11
the homeur of that meal. Slander, let it lie its flattest, has never	12
been able to convict our good and great and no ordinary Southron	13
Earwicker, that homogenius man, as a pious author called him, of	14
any graver impropriety than that, advanced by some woodwards	15
or regarders, who did not dare deny, the shomers, that they had,	16
chin Ted, chin Tam, chinchin Taffyd, that day consumed their	17
soul of the corn, of having behaved with ongentilmensky im-	18
modus opposite a pair of dainty maidservants in the swoolth of	19
the rushy hollow whither, or so the two gown and pinners plead-	20
ed, dame nature in all innocency had spontaneously and about the	21
same hour of the eventide sent them both but whose published	22
combinations of silkinlaine testimonies are, where not dubiously	23
pure, visibly divergent, as wapt from wept, on minor points touch-	24
ing the intimate nature of this, a first offence in vert or venison	25
which was admittedly an incautious but, at its wildest, a partial ex-	26
posure with such attenuating circumstances (garthen gaddeth green	27
hwere sokeman brideth girling) as an abnormal Saint Swithin's	28
summer and, (Jesses Rosasharon!) a ripe occasion to provoke it.	29
We can't do without them. Wives, rush to the restyours! Of-	30
man will toman while led is the lol. Zessid's our kadem, villa-	31
pleach, vollapluck. Fikup, for flesh nelly, el mundo nov, zole flen !	32
If she's a lilyth, pull early! Pauline, allow! And malers abushed,	33
keep black, keep black! Guiltless of much laid to him he was	34
clearly for once at least he clearly expressed himself as being with	35
still a trace of his erstwhile burr sod hence it has been received of	36

P. 35

us that it is true. They tell the story (an amalgam as absorbing as	1
calzium chloereydes and hydrophobe sponges could make it) how	2
one happygogusty Ides-of-April morning (the anniversary, as it	3
fell out, of his first assumption of his mirthday suit and rights in	4
appurtenance to the confusioning of human races) ages and ages	5
after the alleged misdemeanour when the tried friend of all crea-	6
tion, tigerwood roadstaff to his stay, was billowing across the	7
wide expanse of our greatest park in his caoutchouc kepi and	8
great belt and hideinsacks and his blaufunx fustian and ironsides	9
jackboots and Bhagafat gaiters and his rubberised inverness, he	10
met a cad with a pipe. The latter, the luciferant not the oriuolate	11
(who, the odds are, is still berting dagabout in the same straw	12
bamer, carryin his overgoat under his schulder, sheepside out, so	13
as to look more like a coumfry gentleman and signing the pledge	14
as gaily as you please) hardily accosted him with: Guinness thaw	15
tool in jew me dinner ouzel fin? (a nice how-do-you-do in Pool-	16
black at the time as some of our olddaisers may still tremblingly	17
recall) to ask could he tell him how much a clock it was that the	18
clock struck had he any idea by cock's luck as his watch was	19
bradys. Hesitency was clearly to be evitated. Execration as cleverly	20
to be honnisoid. The Earwicker of that spurring instant, realising	21
on fundamental liberal principles the supreme importance, nexally	22
and noxally, of physical life (the nearest help relay being pingping	23
K. O. Sempatrick's Day and the fenian rising) and unwishful as	24
he felt of being hurled into eternity right then, plugged by a soft-	25
nosed bullet from the sap, halted, quick on the draw, and reply-	26
in that he was feelin tipstaff, cue, prodooced from his gunpocket	27
his Jurgensen's shrapnel waterbury, ours by communionism, his	28
by usucapture, but, on the same stroke, hearing above the skirl-	29
ing of harsh Mother East old Fox Goodman, the bellmaster, over	30
the wastes to south, at work upon the ten ton tonuant thunder-	31
ous tenor toller in the speckled church (Couhounin's call!) told	32
the inquiring kidder, by Jehova, it was twelve of em sidereal and	33
tankard time, adding, buttall, as he bended deeply with smoked	34
sardinish breath to give more pondus to the copperstick he pre-	35
sented (though this seems in some cumfusium with the chap-	36

P. 36

stuck ginger, which, as being of sours, acids, salts, sweets and	1
bitters compompounded, we know him to have used as chaw-	2
chaw for bone, muscle, blood, flesh and vimvital,) that where-	3
as the hakusay accusation againstm had been made, what was	4
known in high quarters as was stood stated in Morganspost, by	5
a creature in youman form who was quite beneath parr and seve-	6
ral degrees lower than yore triplehydrad snake. In greater sup-	7
port of his word (it, quaint 'anticipation of a famous phrase, has	8
been reconstricted out of oral style into the verbal for all time	9
with ritual rhythmics, in quiritary quietude, and toosammen-	10
stucked from successive accounts by Noah Webster in the re-	11
daction known as the Sayings Attributive of H. C. Earwicker,	12
prize on schillings, postlots free), the flaxen Gygas tapped his	13
chronometrum drumdrum and, now standing full erect, above	14
the ambijacent floodplain, scene of its happening, with one Ber-	15
lin gauntlet chopstuck in the hough of his ellboge (by ancientest	16
signlore his gesture meaning: !) pointed at an angle of thirty-	17
two degrees towards his duc de Fer's overgrown milestone as	18
fellow to his gage and after a rendypresent pause averred with	19
solemn emotion's fire: Shsh shake, co-comeraid! Me only, them	20
five ones, he is equal combat. I have won straight. Hence my	21
nonation wide hotel and creamery establishments which for the	22
honours of our mewmew mutual daughters, credit me, I am woo-	23
woo willing to take my stand, sir, upon the monument, that sign	24
of our ruru redemption, any hygienic day to this hour and to	25
make my hoath to my sinnfinners, even if I get life for it, upon	26
the Open Bible and before the Great Taskmaster's (I lift my hat!)	27
and in the presence of the Deity Itself andwell of Bishop and	28
Mrs Michan of High Church of England as of all such of said	29
my immediate withdwellers and of every living sohole in every	30
corner wheresoever of this globe in general which useth of my	31
British to my backbone tongue and commutative justice that	32
there is not one tittle of truth, allow me to tell you, in that purest	33
of fibfib fabrications.	34

P. 38

Our cad's bit of strife (knee Bareniece Maxwelton) with a quick	9
ear for spittoons (as the aftertale hath it) glaned up as usual with	10
dumbestic husbandry (no persicks and armelians for thee, Pome-	11
ranzia!) but, slipping the clav in her claw, broke of the matter	12
among a hundred and eleven others in her usual curtsey (how	13
faint these first vhespers womanly are, a secret pispigliando, amad	14
the lavurdy den of their manfolker!) the next night nudge one	15
as was Hegesippus over a hup a ' chee, her eys dry and small and	16
speech thicklish because he appeared a funny colour like he	17
couldn't stood they old hens no longer, to her particular reverend,	18
the director, whom she had been meaning in her mind primarily	19
to speak with (hosch, intra! jist a timblespoon!) trusting, between	20
cuppled lips and annie lawrie promises (mighshe never have	21
Esnekerry pudden come Hunanov for her pecklapitschens!) that	22
the gossiple so delivered in his epistolear, buried teatoastally in	23
their Irish stew would go no further than his jesuit's cloth, yet	24
(in vinars venitas! volatiles valetotum!) it was this overspoiled	25
priest Mr Browne, disguised as a vincentian, who, when seized	26
of the facts, was overheard, in his secondary personality as a	27
Nolan and underreared, poul soul, by accident      if, that is, the	28
incident it was an accident for here the ruah of Ecclectiastes	29
of Hippo outpuffs the writress of Havvah-ban-Annah      to	30
pianissime a slightly varied version of Crookedribs confidentials,	31
(what Mere Aloyse said but for Jesuphine's sake !) hands between	32
hahands, in fealty sworn (my bravor best! my fraur!) and, to the	33
strains of The Secret of Her Birth, hushly pierce the rubiend	34
aurellum of one Philly Thurnston, a layteacher of rural science	35
and orthophonethics of a nearstout figure and about the middle	36

P. 39

of his forties during a priestly flutter for safe and sane bets at the	1
hippic runfields of breezy Baldoyle on a date (W. W. goes	2
through the card) easily capable of rememberance by all pickers-	3
up of events national and Dublin details, the doubles of Perkin	4
and Paullock, peer and prole, when the classic Encourage Hackney	5
Plate was captured by two noses in a stablecloth finish, ek and nek,	6
some and none, evelo nevelo, from the cream colt Bold Boy	7
Cromwell after a clever getaway by Captain Chaplain Blount's	8
roe hinny Saint Dalough, Drummer Coxon, nondepict third, at	9
breakneck odds, thanks to you great little, bonny little, portey	10
little, Winny Widger! you're all their nappies! who in his never-	11
rip mud and purpular cap was surely leagues unlike any other	12
phantomweight that ever toppitt our timber maggies.	13

P. 42

This, more krectly lubeen or fellow       me       lieder was first	17
poured forth where Riau Liviau riots and col de Houdo humps,	18
under the shadow of the monument of the shouldhavebeen legis-	19
lator (Eleutheriodendron! Spare, woodmann, spare!) to an over-	20
flow meeting of all the nations in Lenster fullyfilling the visional	21
area and, as a singleminded supercrowd, easily representative,	22
what with masks, whet with faces, of all sections and cross sections	23
(wineshop and cocoahouse poured out to brim up the broaching)	24
of our liffeyside people (to omit to mention of the mainland mino-	25
rity and such as had wayfared via Watling, Ernin, Icknild and	26
Stane, in chief a halted cockney car with its quotal of Hardmuth's	27
hacks, a northern tory, a southern whig, an eastanglian chroni-	28
cler and a landwester guardian) ranging from slips of young	29
dublinos from Cutpurse Row having nothing better to do than	30
walk about with their hands in their kneepants, sucking air-	31
whackers, weedulicet, jumbobricks, side by side with truant	32
officers, three woollen balls and poplin in search of a croust of	33
pawn to busy professional gentlemen, a brace of palesmen with	34
dundrearies, nooning toward Daly's, fresh from snipehitting and	35
mallardmissing on Rutland heath, exchanging cold sneers, mass-	36

P. 43

going ladies from Hume Street in their chairs, the bearers baited,	1
some wandering hamalags out of the adjacent cloverfields of	2
Mosse's Gardens, an oblate father from Skinner's Alley, brick-	3
layers, a fleming, in tabinet fumant, with spouse and dog, an aged	4
hammersmith who had some chisellers by the hand, a bout of	5
cudgel players, not a few sheep with the braxy, two bluecoat	6
scholars, four broke gents out of Simpson's on the Rocks, a	7
portly and a pert still tassing Turkey Coffee and orange shrub in	8
tickeyes door, Peter Pim and Paul Fry and then Elliot and, O,	9
Atkinson, suffering hell's delights from the blains of their annui-	10
tants' acorns not forgetting a deuce of dianas ridy for the hunt, a	11
particularist prebendary pondering on the roman easter, the ton-	12
sure question and greek uniates, plunk em, a lace lappet head or	13
two or three or four from a window, and so on down to a few good	14
old souls, who, as they were juiced after taking their pledge over at	15
the uncle's place, were evidently under the spell of liquor, from the	16
wake of Tarry the Tailor a fair girl, a jolly postoboy thinking off	17
three flagons and one, a plumodrole, a half sir from the weaver's	18
almshouse who clings and clings and chatchatchat clings to her, a	19
wholedam's cloudhued pittycoat, as child, as curiolater, as Caoch	20
O'Leary. The wararrow went round, so it did, (a nation wants	21
a gaze) and the ballad, in the felibrine trancoped metre affectioned	22
by Taiocebo in his Casudas de Poulichinello Artahut, stump-	23
stampaded on to a slip of blancovide and headed by an excessively	24
rough and red woodcut, privately printed at the rimepress of	25
Delville, soon fluttered its secret on white highway and brown	26
byway to the rose of the winds and the blew of the gaels, from	27
archway to lattice and from black hand to pink ear, village crying	28
to village, through the five pussyfours green of the united states	29
of Scotia Picta      and he who denays it, may his hairs be rubbed	30
in dirt! To the added strains (so peacifold) of his majesty the	31
flute, that onecrooned king of inscrewments, Piggott's purest, ciello	32
alsoliuto, which Mr Delaney (Mr Delacey?), horn, anticipating	33
a perfect downpour of plaudits among the rapsods, piped	34
out of his decentsoort hat, looking still more like his purseyful	35
namesake as men of Gaul noted, but before of to sputabout, the	36

P. 44

snowycrested curl amoist the leader's wild and moulting hair,	1
'Ductor' Hitchcock hoisted his fezzy fuzz at bludgeon's height	2
signum to his companions of the chalice for the Loud Fellow,	3
boys' and silentium in curia! (our maypole once more where he rose	4
of old) and the canto was chantied there chorussed and christened	5
where by the old tollgate, Saint Annona's Street and Church.	6
And around the lawn the rann it rann and this is the rann that	7
Hosty made. Spoken. Boyles and Cahills, Skerretts and Pritchards,	8
viersified and piersified may the treeth we tale of live in stoney.	9
Here line the refrains of. Some vote him Vike, some mote him	10
Mike, some dub him Llyn and Phin while others hail him Lug	11
Bug Dan Lop, Lex, Lax, Gunne or Guinn. Some apt him Arth,	12
some bapt him Barth, Coll, Noll, Soll, Will, Weel, Wall but I	13
parse him Persse O'Reilly else he's called no name at all. To-	14
gether. Arrah, leave it to Hosty, frosty Hosty, leave it to Hosty	15
for he's the mann to rhyme the rann, the rann, the rann, the king	16
of all ranns. Have you here? (Some ha) Have we where? (Some	17
hant) Have you hered? (Others do) Have we whered? (Others dont)	18
It's cumming, it's brumming! The clip, the clop! (All cla) Glass	19
crash. The (klikkaklakkaklaskaklopatzklatschabattacreppycrotty-	20
graddaghsemmihsammihnouithappluddyappladdypkonpkot!).	21
{ Ardite, arditi! 22 Music cue. 23

P. 45

  

Have you heard of one Humpty Dumpty	1
How he fell with a roll and a rumble	2
And curled up like Lord Olofa Crumple	3
By the butt of the Magazine Wall,	4
(Chorus) Of the Magazine Wall,	5
Hump, helmet and all?	6
He was one time our King of the Castle	7
Now he's kicked about like a rotten old parsnip.	8
And from Green street he'll be sent by order of His Worship	9
To the penal jail of Mountjoy	10
	11
(Chorus) To the jail of Mountjoy!	12
Jail him and joy.	13
	14
He was fafafather of all schemes for to bother us	15
Slow coaches and immaculate contraceptives for the populace,	16
Mare's milk for the sick, seven dry Sundays a week,	17
Openair love and religion's reform,	18
(Chorus) And religious reform,	19
Hideous in form.	20
	21
Arrah, why, says you, couldn't he manage it?	22
I'll go bail, my fine dairyman darling,	23
Like the bumping bull of the Cassidys	24
All your butter is in your horns.	25
(Chorus) His butter is in his horns.	26
Butter his horns!	27
	28
(Repeat) Hurrah there, Hosty, frosty Hosty, change that shirt	29
[on ye,	30
Rhyme the rann, the king of all ranns!	31
Balbaccio, balbuccio!	32
We had chaw chaw chops, chairs, chewing gum, the chicken-	33
[pox and china chambers	34
Universally provided by this soffsoaping salesman.	35

P. 46

Small wonder He'll Cheat E'erawan our local lads nicknamed him	1
When Chimpden first took the floor	2
(Chorus) With his bucketshop store	3
Down Bargainweg, Lower.	4
	5
So snug he was in his hotel premises sumptuous	6
But soon we'll bonfire all his trash, tricks and trumpery	7
And'tis short till sheriff Clancy'll be winding up his unlimited	8
[company	9
With the bailiff's bom at the door,	10
(Chorus) Bimbam at the door.	11
Then he'll bum no more.	12
	13
Sweet bad luck on the waves washed to our island	14
The hooker of that hammerfast viking	15
And Gall's curse on the day when Eblana bay	16
Saw his black and tan man-o'-war.	17
(Chorus) Saw his man-o'-war.	18
On the harbour bar.	19
	20
Where from? roars Poolbeg. Cookingha'pence, he bawls Donnez-	21
[moi scampitle, wick an wipin'fampiny	22
Fingal Mac Oscar Onesine Bargearse Boniface	23
Thok's min gammelhole Norveegickers moniker	24
Og as ay are at gammelhore Norveegickers cod.	25
(Chorus) A Norwegian camel old cod.	26
He is, begod.	27
	28
Lift it, Hosty, lift it, ye devil ye! up with the rann, the rhyming	29
[rann!	30
It was during some fresh water garden pumping	31
Or, according to the Nursing Mirror, while admiring the mon-	32
[keys	33
That our heavyweight heathen Humpharey	34
Made bold a maid to woo	35
(Chorus) Woohoo, what'll she doo!	36
The general lost her maidenloo!	37

P. 47

He ought to blush for himself, the old hayheaded philosopher,	1
For to go and shove himself that way on top of her.	2
Begob, he's the crux of the catalogue	3
Of our antediluvial zoo,	4
(Chorus) Messrs. Billing and Coo.	5
Noah's larks, good as noo.	6
	7
He was joulting by Wellinton's monument	8
Our rotorious hippopopotamuns	9
When some bugger let down the backtrap of the omnibus	10
And he caught his death of fusiliers,	11
(Chorus) With his rent in his rears.	12
Give him six years.	13
	14
'Tis sore pity for his innocent poor children	15
But look out for his missus legitimate!	16
When that frew gets a grip of old Earwicker	17
Won't there be earwigs on the green?	18
(Chorus) Big earwigs on the green,	19
The largest ever you seen.	20
	21
Suffoclose! Shikespower! Seudodanto! Anonymoses!	22
	23
Then we'll have a free trade Gaels' band and mass meeting	24
For to sod the brave son of Scandiknavery.	25
And we'll bury him down in Oxmanstown	26
Along with the devil and Danes,	27
(Chorus) With the deaf and dumb Danes,	28
And all their remains.	29
	30
And not all the king's men nor his horses	31
Will resurrect his corpus	32
For there's no true spell in Connacht or hell	33
(bis) That's able to raise a Cain.	34